i woke up at like 12 pm ..i think this morning (i dont remember when i feel asleep but i think it was around 5-6 am?) but im still tired so i miggggght take a nap later
i think im gonna write for todya and yesterday and maybe the day before that just so i have more shit to talk abotu here
my first complaint is bennett. this stupid alien scientist weirdo freak doctor who lives in ym head. ever since despicable me and minions was brought up he has NOT shut up about it and it is driving me fucking insane
everytime i try to get him to shut up. He will bite me or growl and hit me . He is a big fucking LOSER BABY. i hate him.
anywya i think my bpd and dpd is gettung way worse . i reaaaly need to get on meds ... i relapsed two days ago i think? i dont even know why i did it really. it just felt like everything was falling apart
and my chest felt tight and i jsut got that urge u get .. i was doing fairly good too ..i think i was a month clean. but its ok. relapsing is part of the process i guess. im lucky i havent drank for awhile
im actually quite proud of ymself, its been 6 motnhs? or 7, :) so thats good.
i think i need to stop overthinking so much. its really fucking with my head and relationships. i cant help it thought, i just feellike everyone i love is gonna leave me. i feel like a terrible person
literally all of the tiem. even at my best.
ohhhhhh well. . ..not really my problem lol
ahh. I think i fell aslepe at like 4 am. it wasnt actually me though it was my headmate bennett . he fell asleep on call while wtaching the hungergames with payton :3 and then edith fronted
for most of today...today was ok! my sisters friend is spending the night again tho. i hate when she has her friuends over they r all annoying usually. idrc that much but theyve spent the night
like 3 days now and im TIRED of it bc they make everywhere a mess. but it hink overal today was decent :) i am going yo a basebalk game tomorrow with my dads side of the family and my cousins!
so thtas excited ,,,even tho i dont like basblal. i htnik im gonna practice editing more cause its very fun and getting the end result is satisfying idk why
i have a feeling bennett is gonna be fronting more tonight ...he is rabid. ive been listening to alot of lana del ray recently...my fav song is serial killer i think.
but my favorite song right now in general is either jobless monday or bag of bones (both by mitski). im also getting back into skullgirls and IDV..i think thigns are going well
i am so UNNbeliebebaly TIRED today was tiritng. i woke up at 1 pm and then i went to a baseball game!! in downtown toledo (thankfully i did NOT get shot. only in toledo.) it was fun but the team
i was rooting for lost LOL. but it was fun anyways, i felt super rich hehe we got this suite thing, it came with food and it had a good view. my cousins were there too!
im kind of upset . i feel like one of my friends doesnt like me that much anmyore. i have a bit of an attachment to him so its hardbut wgatecer. i think i might ask to watch the lego movie wif payton 2nite
itis my favorite movie...#autism. anyway i am getting robux so im happy! im also getting games for my switch on my birthday so thats exciting too..
i will write more later 2nite. im tired.
I woked up. um. I dont even remmeber what happened today. I woke up to lotsss of msised calls from pookie bear payton...Haahah pookie bear. um. then we called for a bit. and then um. i dont know.
i dont remmeber i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember
i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember
i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember i dont remember
i HATE NOT REMEMBERING why cant i remember stupid STUPDUDD anwyay. i msis payton.. ...my littl smookums,.. ..the skrunklWAAAAAAAAA I MISS HIM bennett wants to watch the legomovie again. he is such a little freak
i think i hav another brtiehr figuer again iM. I dont want kodakins to get mad tho Bci see him like tha. I dont know what todooo!!!! ahh. i miss eyler .. .i am having a lot if siyrce memories recently, its weiiird..
i missss shuuuu~ ...ahhhoh wel l...goodnight ^_^
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!!!!!!!!!!! i relapsed again last night and i feel awful about it. i cant help myself. uuuuuauuhg....whatevr um. I cannot stop jacking off. Thats my #1 problem right now. I need to stop
i feel so gross about it. i want to harm myself again i ened to ..ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! i hate everuthing about myseflf. i want todrink again. im so tmepted to i cant od this anymore Haahah im going to fucking kill mysekf
im gonna do it i ened to i cant stand being on thi fuckign planet anymore i cant take it i want to die i dont care what people are gonna sau about it i dont crae i want to fuckign die i m gonna breakdown ahah
i jsut want to go HOME i want to gohome ic ant syand being like this anymore. i cant stand it i cant fucing do this anymore
ive alwready started using again and its just gonna spiral until i syart drinking again. im such a mess. i feel like such an awful person. i hate myself for being ..me
i feel awful for my friends and mt girlfriend. i feel so fucking terrible that they have to deal with me. i am so fuckign dependent and attached to them all i think id kill myself if i didnt have them
like genuienly. i feel so bad for my girlgirned espcially i fel like im such a fucking burden because i AM a burden i dont deserver him my head hurt sos much i thnk im gonna cry
anywya i drew this thing for my friends birthdya. its kidna cutew i guess i dton knwo. i hope i die soon. this better be worth it
8 dyas,,,woohoo. my hea d hurts alot...I misss paytonnnn...pup is so nice and caring lik.e i genuienl y feel loved and i am so happy!!!i love him so bad nobody will ever undertsand
i hope it sees this hii payton payton lovie from _deftones archive i love him so abd. he makes me so happy i feel like i dont showit enough :c but i really do!!! id do anythiugn for him
honestly becuz i love pup so MUCH!!!
i feel very bad about the who le situation with vik. i feel terrible wiht How it was executed i just wanted to try and help him :c it is partly my fault tho, im gonna apologize when he comes back
i miss him so Muhc!!!
ahhh...i am happy ^__^ i think ive been doing betttttttter .. . me and vik are talking again!!!! Hes doing better too i hope. steve has been HOGGING front frum me .. so annoying -_- althoug he seems happier than from when he last fronted (like.. LAST fronter..like 2018 2019 fornting..) Im glad!! i think shes found something that makes him happy and keeps her going so I am gald! she is recovering well ... So many strangr things introjects from like when i first watched it and got atatched when it first came out n stuff are coming backand im like X_X THERES LIKE 5 OF TJEM. anyway. i miss payton.. .. we watched mean girls on my birfday and it was so fun i loved it so MUCH!! and ,eamgirls 2. even though it was ACTUAL LTIERAL ASS. i need to edit pk again x_x and our rentry...Im gunna do that x3